I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
4 words: hood of his car
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Randomize
