i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
