someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
