Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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