he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
