do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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