His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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