your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The best revenge is premature balding
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
