i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
