just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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