naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
