I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
