her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
