There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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