tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I want her autograph on my taint
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
