We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
