I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
