Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
