Banned from zoo.
Again?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
