It was confusing and full of hummus
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
