it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
