Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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