therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
