Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
