Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
