sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
