I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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