I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
