So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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