we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
