i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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