just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
