Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
