i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
