Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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