Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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