I'm so fucking centered right now
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
