i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My life is pants optional.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
