I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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