Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
