True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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