at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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