She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
