somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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