return my video game
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
