is your mom at the bar?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You ever have a fart follow you around?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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