ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
