I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
