Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
