I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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