Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
