Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
