I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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